Most of the time, becoming a parent is the best thing in life. But for Sarah, it was also the worst thing. Not only did she have to deal with the difficulties of being a parent, but her husband had also betrayed her. In a letter from the heart, she talks about how painful it was to feel alone when she needed him the most. She now comes to you for help on how to deal with the stress in her marriage.

Sarah didn’t want kids, but James told her he would be a good parent and be there for her.

At the start of her letter, the woman talked about how she felt about being a mother: “My husband and I have been together for eight years, and for five of those years, we struggled to have children.” I didn’t mind because I wasn’t eager to have kids because I knew how much time, money, and work it takes to raise them.

Having a child would mean putting my own life and work on hold for me. I agreed with the thought that it wouldn’t be the end of the world if it didn’t happen. But it was really hard for my husband.”

Sarah was shocked when her husband cheated on her because he had wanted kids for a long time.

“He talked a lot about how much he wanted children and how he would feed them, get up at night, and care for them. The promise that we would both do equal work in raising a child is what kept me trying, even after several failed pregnancies.

After that, a real miracle took place: our first child was born. However, the birth of our son has made things very hard for us in our marriage…”

Now that the baby was born, though, James didn’t keep his word.

“We finally had our first child recently, after trying for years.” I’ve been so happy ever since our baby boy was born. I spent my days taking care of him by feeding him, changing his diapers, and trying to keep the house clean. It became hard to get enough sleep, but every moment with our son made me feel grateful.

“However, I could tell my husband was having a hard time adjusting.” He was stressed out from not being able to sleep at night, crying all the time, and having to take on new responsibilities. He seemed far away, like a ghost in our house. It seemed like he was thinking about something else while he was trying to deal with the challenges of being a new dad all the time.

James went to a friend’s house one of those nights he couldn’t sleep, leaving his wife to care for the baby by herself.
“The baby cried all the time in the first few days, which was hard.” I was so tired from not being able to sleep that I saw my husband packing his bags one day. “I need a break from this chaos,” he said. I’m going to spend a few weeks at Jake’s. You better fix this by the time I get back. Even though I could tell he was tired because I was tired too, I couldn’t offer any comfort. I was shocked when he packed his things and walked out the door to stay with a friend from work.

“I felt completely abandoned and by myself.” As a new mom, I was having a hard time with sleepless nights and caring for my baby around the clock, while James looked for safety somewhere else. Holding our son close while I cried for hours, the weight of the world felt heavy on my shoulders. I couldn’t believe he had left us at such a crucial time after all the promises he had made to help me. But as I cried and got angry, I realized I had to show James what it meant to be a family.

Sarah is ready to teach her husband a lesson and has taken full responsibility.

“For the next few weeks, I did everything by myself. I fed our baby, took care of the house, and worked whenever I could while soothing our baby through sleepless nights. Each day made me feel stronger, even though it was hard work. I wasn’t just getting by; I was growing into something else. I saw that I didn’t need James as much as I thought I did. I didn’t need someone to “fix” things for me because I was getting by on my own, even though I was tired.

“Every time James called to see how things were going, his voice sounded farther away, like he had already cut himself off from the life we used to share.” It was always about our son and how he was doing. But he never asked me how I was doing. The thought came to me: maybe he wasn’t ready for the duties he had promised. He might not be ever.”

When James got home, everything was the same as before, but things had changed.
Sarah talks about her husband coming home after being away for almost three weeks, “He dropped his bags and said, “I’m back.” He was acting like nothing had happened. I stood there with our baby in my arms. He had just fallen asleep. There was no yelling or a dramatic fight.
He left me when I needed you the most. I just looked at him and said that. He tried to say that he was too busy and just needed some space, but his words came across as empty and like an excuse. I wasn’t the same person who was waiting for him to save me anymore.”

“While he was away, I told him in a quiet but firm voice that I had come to the realization that I wasn’t going to wait for him to be the partner he said he would be. I was in charge of everything by myself, and I was sure I could keep going that way if I had to. Even though I loved him, I couldn’t carry the whole family while he ran away every time things got tough.

When Sarah decided to split up with her husband for a while, her friends and in-laws were against it.

At the end of her letter, Sarah said, “James was clearly caught off guard by how I reacted to his return.” I know that he wanted this child and promised to be a dedicated, involved parent. But when the time came, it was painfully clear that he wasn’t ready at all. I chose to step away for a while, which was not easy. But it was too late for me. He said he would change and spend more time with his family.

“My parents, his parents, and even our best friends were shocked by my choice.” They told me to give him more time and understand that becoming a dad takes time. But why wasn’t that grace given to me? Why did I think I had to instantly adjust to being a mom, with no time to think or change? When I saw an adult man as a child, I knew I didn’t need another one.

“Do you think I did the right thing, or should I give my husband a second chance?”

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