Making the choice to let aging parents move in is one of the hardest and most emotional things a person can do. This choice can affect a lot of people on a cultural, emotional, and practical level. It can also test the limits of personal space and financial security. Which is exactly what is happening to one woman.
She told us what happened.
For a few years now, I (33F) have lived in my own home. Since I grew up in a very unstable place, I bought it with my own money and have worked hard to make it a safe and comfortable place to live. My parents, who are in their 60s, have always been bad with money. No matter how hard I try to help them budget, they always make bad choices.
They lost their house not long ago because it went into foreclosure. They asked me if they could move in for a short time while they get their lives back on track. But adding two more adults would really make my house too small, and I value my privacy and independence.
Even worse, my parents have a history of being too controlling and not respecting my limits. When my parents stayed with me last, they said bad things about my way of life, moved furniture around without asking, and even got into a fight with one of my neighbors.
I said I would help them find a cheap place to live and even pay their first month’s rent. I also found programs that the government offers to help people. They said no because family should stay together and it was my job to help them when they were in trouble.
My siblings have different opinions about me. My older brother thinks I’m cold, but my younger sister gets what I’m saying. Their apartments are too small for my parents to stay with them, so they can’t.
They’ve been making me feel bad by telling me that they raised me and now it’s my turn to care for them. I’m getting messages from family and friends saying that my parents are telling my extended family that I’m leaving them. I’m having second thoughts about my choice, even though I know that if they moved in, it would be bad for my mental health.
When my parents lost their house, was it wrong of me to refuse to let them move in with me? Should I be more willing to work with them, or do I have the right to protect my own health and happiness? I have a lot of mixed feelings and could use some outside advice.
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