When one partner spends more time at home, it can be hard for couples to divide up the chores around the house. Joyce and her husband recently fought because he stopped cooking, which he used to do well. As things got worse, hurtful words were said, which made Joyce feel uneasy. The young mother wrote to us asking for help figuring out how to handle this tough situation.

This is Joyce’s letter:

“While I go to work, my husband stays home with our twin 2-year-olds and works from home.” We agreed that he would cook since my job is busier.

Now he stopped and said we should get takeout and split the bill because it’s too much for him to handle the twins by himself during the day.

He told me, “As a woman, a mother, and a wife, it is your duty to care for your household,” when I said no because cooking was his job. “Don’t give me all the work.”

I got mad and yelled, “You’re a weak and failed man!”

He smiled and said, “You think you’re strong because you earn more than me, but your kids won’t be as attached to you as they are to me once they are older.”

I still remember the last thing he said to me after a few days. Is he being crass or does what he said make sense?

Yours,
Joyce”

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