Our ideas about what is beautiful often affect how we see ourselves and others. For example, one reader didn’t like that his wife had a mustache, which shows how society expects women to be smooth and hairless.

This story shows how deeply ingrained ideas about beauty can affect what we expect and how we judge others, even in relationships. Such rules not only make it harder for people to express themselves, but they can also make real connections harder to see. The experience of our reader shows how beauty standards can hurt people’s self-esteem and relationships.

He noticed her mustache again after she had shaved it off for a long time.

There was a special bond between him and his wife. She had always had trouble with having too much hair on her body, even though she was naturally pretty. But she worked hard to get rid of it for him because she knew how much it meant to him. He would gently tell her if there was even a hint of hair on her face, and she would take care of it. They began this tradition many years ago, when they were in college. At a party a month ago, she looked at herself in a bright mirror and saw that she had hair on her upper lip.

He asked that the mustache be taken off.

Not long ago, he noticed that she wasn’t shaving the hairs above her lip like she used to. Knowing that their routine had changed, he brought it up in a gentle way and asked her if she knew about it. In a moment of honest weakness, he admitted that seeing the hairs made him angry, which was something he had been afraid to say. He was admitted, and his wife took it with grace and understanding. Without being judged, she promised to get back to her regular grooming routine, and they promised to continue caring for each other’s comfort and happiness.

All of a sudden, she became upset about her mustache.

As time went on, they would often talk about the hair. He would say, “Babe, you need a trim,” and they’d laugh together before she took care of it. This went on for years. But when he brought it up again a week ago, things went in a strange direction. She usually laughs it off, but this time she broke down in tears. He was being rude to point it out, she told him.

He was confused and worried by this. He tried to talk to her and even said sorry, but she was still mad. What had changed? He couldn’t figure it out. It was annoying that he didn’t know what he did wrong. They did this every week for almost 15 years, and she got mad at him sometimes for forgetting to bring up the hair. But this time, something was off, and he couldn’t get rid of the uneasy feeling.

What the numbers say about body hair on women.
As a group, women carry a secret burden. Many people hide it from both their friends and partners because they feel so ashamed of it. A lot of the time and energy is spent trying to hide the struggle because it takes up so much time and energy. A study done in Britain in 2006 found that women spend an average of 104 minutes a week taking care of their facial hair. An important part of these women regularly examine their facial hair in mirrors and by touching it.

This problem with facial hair is making me feel bad. Because of this, a lot of women feel uncomfortable in social situations, and an amazing 75% feel even more anxious. Even though they say their quality of life is generally satisfactory, they have a lot of problems with their relationships and interactions with other people. Most women have some facial hair, which is something to keep in mind.

There are, however, medical conditions that can make facial hair grow faster. About 8–13% of women have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), which is the most common. Up to 70% of these women don’t even know they have it most of the time. A hormonal disorder called PCOS is the main reason why people grow too much facial hair. Idiopathic hyperandrogenemia is another cause. This is when women have high levels of male hormones like testosterone, which accounts for another 6–15% of cases.

Both men and women can have facial hair on their own, but society often tells us we should get rid of it.

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