Family planning can be difficult to navigate, particularly when there are conflicting desires in a relationship. A woman recently shared her difficult situation in which her husband tried to become pregnant without her knowledge and abruptly changed their decision to not have children in response to a specific incident. She wants to address this delicate matter and win back her partner’s trust by seeking guidance.
“Hi,
I (F30) am the second marriage for my husband (31). His previous marriage lasted five years with no kids. When we first met, he told me that he didn’t like kids. Fortunately, I didn’t want any either, so we had made a mutual decision to remain childfree. Everything went smoothly for almost three years. However, recently, he learned that his ex-wife, who remarried after their divorce, is pregnant. After that, my husband’s outlook shifted noticeably.
Recently, he’s been completely captivated by babies, flooding me with photos of his friends’ babies and toddlers, gushing over how adorable they are. He’s also been spontaneously shopping for gifts for these kids, even without any special occasion.
Seeing this sudden shift in his behavior, I took the time to have a serious conversation with him, reiterating that I had no desire for children and reminding him of our initial agreement.
Thankfully, he reassured me that he shared the same sentiment and saw no issue with it.
However, moving ahead to last week, a disturbing find shook me to the core. My carefully organized birth control pills, stored diligently in my nightstand after each use, vanished without explanation. As I frantically searched for them, I asked my husband if he had noticed them anywhere. But instead of addressing my concern, his response was, “Why are you making such a fuss? What if you skip one day of taking those pills? It’s not the end of the world.”
To make matters worse, last night while I casually flipped through his phone, I spotted an alarming search in his browser history that read, “Methods to trick a partner into getting pregnant.” Intrigued, I delved deeper and uncovered additional searches like “Best times to conceive during a woman’s cycle” and “Signs of ovulation.
Confronting him about it, he tried to come up with weak excuses, leaving me doubting his intentions and reliability.
The implications of his words and actions weigh heavily on my mind. How can I maintain trust in the man I committed to spend my life with when his actions violate the core trust and boundaries of our marriage? What sparked this abrupt desire for parenthood, coinciding perfectly with his ex-wife’s pregnancy? Could I unknowingly be engaged in a competition with her to conceive?! All of these uncertainties leave me questioning the very foundation of our marriage. Any advice on navigating this turbulent situation would be deeply appreciated.
Sincerely,
Maria”
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