“My husband John (47M) and I have been married for 22 years. We have a son (20M) and a daughter (17F) together.
We saved money for a down payment on a nice four-bedroom house in a good school district. We used that money when we got married. I worked full-time and took care of the kids and the house for 20 years, making sure we had enough money. Even though my husband’s job paid less, I didn’t mind because he helped out around the house sometimes.
I paid the mortgage with my salary every month for 20 years. It was never late or missed. I was looking forward to no longer having to work and having the loan paid off in a few years.
When I got home from work last week, John sat me down. “Honey, I need to tell you something,” he said. I gave my mother the house deed last month.
It hurt like someone punched me in the gut. “You WHAT?! “Why in the world would you do that?” I yelled.
John replied, “Well, my mom is getting old, and she’ll need a place to live soon.” We’ve almost paid off the house, so I thought it would be fair to give it to her.
I was furious. “Are you crazy?! This is our house, which I’ve paid for with my own money for twenty years! You didn’t have the right to give it away without asking me first!”
John said, “Well, it’s also my house.” Since I’m her son, it’s really partly hers too, since she’s my mother.
From this point on, I lost it. “Leave.” Leave my house right away!” I screamed really loud.
John said, “Now honey, let’s not act too quickly…”
I wasn’t having it, though. I began tossing his things out the front door. He tried to hold me down, but I got away, pushed him out the door, and locked it behind him.
He was yelling, “You can’t do this!” through the door. I also live here! We’re still married!” I didn’t care, though.
He thought I had overreacted, so he took John’s side. My daughter agreed with him that John was way out of line. We got into a very angry argument.
John wouldn’t leave, so I had to call the police to get him out of the property. That they couldn’t make him leave because both of our names are on the deed. But he chose to go away for the night to calm down.
I talked to a lawyer the next day to find out what my choices were. It looks like John signed the deed without my knowledge or permission, so it could be seen as marital fraud and the transfer can probably be thrown out. In my state, at least, both spouses must agree to a move of the main residence. The lawyer is telling John’s mother to stop what she’s doing.
John is beseeching me to let him go home, he says he’s sorry and it’s clear he did something wrong. I don’t know if I can forgive this huge trust breach, though. He made a big financial choice on his own that could leave me without a home when I retire. All because of the silly and out-of-date belief that parents have a right to their children’s property? His thoughts are so crazy.
Was I right to be so angry that I kicked him out, or did I overreact? What would you do if this happened to your partner?”
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